As I type this, I’m upset. We had a pretty good day today, went to the movies to watch “Detective Pikachu”, had lunch at Sweet Water Tavern and then came home. When we got home, he took our 2 youngest kids hiking, returned home and took a bath. A couple of hours later, he said he is hungry and heads straight to Panera instead of checking their online menu first; when he gets there they ran out of what he wants. He comes home, upset. I ask him if he wants Chinese, he ignores me, and walks right past me, as if I did anything wrong? That behavior is very common with Alcoholics. When they are annoyed or sad, they make sure everyone around them feels like the same .
I love my husband but he tends to sweat the smallest stuff. It drives me crazy. Sometimes i don’t react, this time I do, Instead of just ignoring the complain. I confronted him about it and it makes me feel worse. I should have handled it differently but oh well.
I told him: “ I wish you understood how your behavior affects others. Im so stressed all the time. I feel overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness that I don’t want to do anything for me. I just eat or sleep. I’m too tired to exercise, too depressed to sing, too overweight to go shopping. I have stopped taking decent care of myself. Since 2007, I was constantly worried about you…I’m always upset or worried by the things you do or say…”
He just sat there and looked down. He eventually got over it and grabbed a sub but I can’t believe I got so emotionally worked up over his dinner.
It is classic codependence. Everything he does affects me so much. And it’s not healthy. I don’t know what upsets me more, the fact that he ignored me for no reason, or the fact that I have let it affect me this much. Next time it happens I will handle it differently. By confronting him, I enabled the behavior instead of focusing on myself.
The thin line between enabling and helping has been crossed for so many times. But I have to be kind to myself and let go. I will handle it differently next time.