I started a new job at this financial planning firm in Tysons Corner. The building has a gym on site, so as soon as i got my fob, i gave it a try. I really do enjoy working out. My biggest challenge is the depression and anxiety setbacks that zap my motivation to go to the gym in the first place. But once i am there, I enjoy it so very much. When i work on an elliptical, and follow the rhythms of my favorite songs I feel so fucking good. The endorphins are kicking in, and I’m on top of the world. I can do anything.
But then comes the next day, and i think to myself: ” I just went yesterday, I need to rest, plus the kids need me…” Though i really enjoy the “feel good feeling” exercises gave me, exhaustion and lack of energy overpower my motivation. Then I miss a day, and then 2. Before i know it, i haven’t exercised for 30 days and I feel like shit. I hit another low, so i go back to the gym, and the vicious cycle goes on. It does take a very strong will for me, to make it to the gym regularly. No I am not trying to find excuses, or wanting sympathy, I just know how depression manifests itself in my life. When you deal with depression and anxiety, doing anything that requires discipline, motivation, consistency are challenging. I sleep in as much as i can, because I either don’t sleep well, or i sleep too much. Therefore I am either exhausted or just don’t have the motivation to do shit. I know i have to take it one day at a time, and at the end of the day, i’m the one who will break the cycle, but that sentence is easier said than done. Having said that, i will not stop trying, and along the way, i know i will find my way back to maintain consistency. I wonder how people who have depression and anxiety manage to find theirs.